Excerpts from Encyclopaedia Herbnostica

Foreword: These excerpts, like the rest of the Encyclopaedia Herbnostica, were composed when the author(s) were supposed to be sleeping.

Horny Captain Bearded King: Captain of the Pirate Ship A242, known for his adoration of the fairer sex, his beard, his pirate hat/crown, and his way with words.

First Mate Ocho the Committed: First Mate of the Pirate Ship A242, so named because 5 and 3 are 8, and because he was engaged to be married during his service aboard the ship. Others have speculated that he was "committed" in another sense, but whatever.

Dopplar, the Mutant-Ribbed Cabin Boy: Cabin Boy aboard the Pirate Ship A242, named for his love of science and his mutant rib that jutted out worse than the glacier that sunk the Titanic.

Half-Beard the Chaste: Held no official title on the Pirate Ship A242, leading some to speculate that he inhabited the Crow's Nest, or was a passenger, or a prisoner, or a combination of the three. Though clearly Half-Beard lent credibility to the rest of the crew by virtue of having "beard" in his name, unlike the others... except for Horny Captain Bearded King, so nevermind. Named because he could only grow a beard on one side of his face, and because unlike the others aboard, held no special affection for women (or men, for that matter).

Herb F. Garcia: A curmudgeon known to live in spacious hallway closets, sneaking out at night to post mediocre scores on N64 games like Hydro Thunder. Is rumored to be quite amorous with the ladies despite living in a hallway closet, though none of those rumors were ever confirmed, or even widely circulated. Not to be confused with Herb D. Garcia; it is important that you ask which one you are talking to should a "Herb" answer the phone.

This Post Is Boring and Irrelevant

You have been warned. As always, not recommended.

No, seriously. This is going to be like most people's posts, random thoughts about stuff that doesn't matter. And the thoughts are not even original or interesting. They're just things I wanted to put down on paper, but I don't want to waste paper, so I'll "waste" internet space.

"The King's Speech" lives up to the hype. Must see.

1998 was a very loaded Oscar year, but I didn't realize this at the time. This doesn't change how Jim Carrey deserved a nomination (not necessarily a win) for his performance in The Truman Show.

For instance, I didn't realize/remember until looking at 1998 at filmsite.org that "Saving Private Ryan" did NOT win Best Picture that year. Neither did "Life is Beautiful." No, that honor goes to "Shakespeare in Love." ...Really? Either of the World War II era films I just mentioned would have beaten Gladiator hands down, but I'm not so sure that "Shakespeare in Love" can do that. Loaded year, right?

(I really enjoy Gladiator but I don't regard it as a "Best Picture" quality film. It wasn't as good as Braveheart, though it drew comparisons to that film. It won in a weak year (he says without looking at the actual evidence...).)

Roberto Benigni won Best Actor for "Life is Beautiful," edging out Tom Hanks (Ryan) and Edward Norton in American History X.

Steven Spielberg won Best Director for "Saving Private Ryan," beating the directors of "Life is Beautiful," "Shakespeare in Love" and "The Truman Show."

Anyway.

I don't know what to think about BYU dismissing a star player in a year in which it could make the Final Four. On one hand, BYU showed integrity in making the move. On the other hand, I'm really interested to know when this transgression occurred and for how long BYU knew about it. Does it matter in the long run? Yes and no. Mostly no.

Will the NFL owners lockout the players? It does not seem as inevitable as we first thought. I think I understand the issues at play and I tend to favor the players in this disagreement, but how much of that is media spin? Arguably, ESPN.com and other sources are not nearly as overtly biased as we can imagine media sources were during the last baseball strike, when there was "no doubt" the blame for the strike was the fault of the players. Even so, how can we decide without knowing more information, specifically the information withheld by the owners--how much money is each team bringing in, what are their actual expenses for which they are asking for an additional billion dollars out of the $9 billion pot split between players and owners?

Will Arizona have even an illusion of rational leadership, ever? I'm so jaded by their perpetual failure that I will even consider joining the Start Our State movement if only they promise to observe Daylight Savings Time. Why? So I don't have to reschedule my World of Warcraft playing time every six months. That's how apathetic I've become about politics in Arizona: you can't really help me when it comes to the stuff that matters, so placate me with stuff that doesn't. Ultimately, I think they know it too, which is why the legislature wasted their time on choosing a state gun and creating a license plate for the tea party.

Well, from the Original Tea Party, I leave you with this final thought: A Very Merry Unbirthday To You!