Foreword: These excerpts, like the rest of the Encyclopaedia Herbnostica, were composed when the author(s) were supposed to be sleeping.
Horny Captain Bearded King: Captain of the Pirate Ship A242, known for his adoration of the fairer sex, his beard, his pirate hat/crown, and his way with words.
First Mate Ocho the Committed: First Mate of the Pirate Ship A242, so named because 5 and 3 are 8, and because he was engaged to be married during his service aboard the ship. Others have speculated that he was "committed" in another sense, but whatever.
Dopplar, the Mutant-Ribbed Cabin Boy: Cabin Boy aboard the Pirate Ship A242, named for his love of science and his mutant rib that jutted out worse than the glacier that sunk the Titanic.
Half-Beard the Chaste: Held no official title on the Pirate Ship A242, leading some to speculate that he inhabited the Crow's Nest, or was a passenger, or a prisoner, or a combination of the three. Though clearly Half-Beard lent credibility to the rest of the crew by virtue of having "beard" in his name, unlike the others... except for Horny Captain Bearded King, so nevermind. Named because he could only grow a beard on one side of his face, and because unlike the others aboard, held no special affection for women (or men, for that matter).
Herb F. Garcia: A curmudgeon known to live in spacious hallway closets, sneaking out at night to post mediocre scores on N64 games like Hydro Thunder. Is rumored to be quite amorous with the ladies despite living in a hallway closet, though none of those rumors were ever confirmed, or even widely circulated. Not to be confused with Herb D. Garcia; it is important that you ask which one you are talking to should a "Herb" answer the phone.
Horny Captain Bearded King: Captain of the Pirate Ship A242, known for his adoration of the fairer sex, his beard, his pirate hat/crown, and his way with words.
First Mate Ocho the Committed: First Mate of the Pirate Ship A242, so named because 5 and 3 are 8, and because he was engaged to be married during his service aboard the ship. Others have speculated that he was "committed" in another sense, but whatever.
Dopplar, the Mutant-Ribbed Cabin Boy: Cabin Boy aboard the Pirate Ship A242, named for his love of science and his mutant rib that jutted out worse than the glacier that sunk the Titanic.
Half-Beard the Chaste: Held no official title on the Pirate Ship A242, leading some to speculate that he inhabited the Crow's Nest, or was a passenger, or a prisoner, or a combination of the three. Though clearly Half-Beard lent credibility to the rest of the crew by virtue of having "beard" in his name, unlike the others... except for Horny Captain Bearded King, so nevermind. Named because he could only grow a beard on one side of his face, and because unlike the others aboard, held no special affection for women (or men, for that matter).
Herb F. Garcia: A curmudgeon known to live in spacious hallway closets, sneaking out at night to post mediocre scores on N64 games like Hydro Thunder. Is rumored to be quite amorous with the ladies despite living in a hallway closet, though none of those rumors were ever confirmed, or even widely circulated. Not to be confused with Herb D. Garcia; it is important that you ask which one you are talking to should a "Herb" answer the phone.
2 comments:
Hmmmm, creative. I like it. You should turn this into a comic book of sorts.
You make me laugh my love! I still wish I had been cool enough to manage to make you all shirts ;-)
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